Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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