Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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