thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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