i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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