I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need moral support for this bender
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
