I'm jealous of your bromance
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
