Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
