i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
