Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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