when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
