nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
