so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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