You're my little dorito
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
