Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
