I haven't been this sober since birth.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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