Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
