So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
