I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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