i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
