Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
