Sry I called you an 8
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
