just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
