I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
