Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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