Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
