I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
