all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
