I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
