from now on my penis is your penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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