I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
