Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
