I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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