I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
