Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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