I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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