mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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