O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
