smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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