And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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