I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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