I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i drank out of a bidet.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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