he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
