just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
