Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just gift wrapped bread.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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