I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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