well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
