I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
