I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
