You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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