i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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