I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
