Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
