Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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