wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
